“I can’t. I won’t handle it. They’ll laugh at me. I’m going to be ashamed.” All these are the thoughts that swirl in the head of a person with a fear of public speaking. They may have a rapid heartbeat, sweating palms, trembling voice and knees, nausea, diarrhea, weak legs and a feeling that the tongue is stuck to the top of the mouth.
According to statistics, 90% of people are worried before performances, and among them about 30% feel panic because they are simply scared of public speech.
Today we will search for the reasons. Where does such a strong, sometimes paralysing, fear come from?
1. Genetic roots
In ancient times, working and living in a team was a vital necessity. If someone from the community was disapproved by their relatives, they were expelled, which meant quick death. Therefore, we are still afraid of being rejected by other people, despite the fact that in the modern world this has nothing to do with the death.
2. Negative experience
Most often, these are some situations from childhood or adolescence. For example, classmates ridiculed you, or an incompetent teacher used violent methods of education and training. Sometimes parents “motivated” you to be better, harshly criticising any public manifestations. They were always unhappy with your poems, songs and other things. In fact, you were bad for them in all cases.
As a result, the child or teenager was left alone with complex feelings and, without receiving support, suppressed the experience.
In adult life, a person with this experience may face regression. Every single time, when they have to think about performing in front of many people, they see evil classmates and teachers, but not real people around them.
3. Unformed self-esteem
When there is no fundamental understanding of “who I am”, “what I am”, “what is good in me”, and so on, a person learns about himself only through the assessment and comments of other people.
In this case, feedback from others becomes super-valuable.
With a serious gap in the knowledge of yourself, it’s very difficult to go out in public, because there is a feeling that you will be torn into pieces by these people. Your self-esteem totally depends on the evaluation of these people. In this case, it’s logical that you want to hide from them no matter what.
4. Fear of bad grades
This fear originates in childhood. Criticism of teachers and parents creates a stable feeling of “something is wrong with me” and “I’m not the right person.” As a result, we get an adult who is sure that everyone thinks badly of them. They have thoughts given by the society and nothing else.
5. Prohibition of self-expression
This problem is peculiar to people whose parents suppressed activity and natural impulses to do something. They always told you to “keep your head down” and “be quiet and comfortable”. By following the fear of losing the favor of parents, the child made an internal decision: “I will never show myself.” As the dear reader may guess, it has safely migrated to adulthood.
6. Fear of mistakes as part of perfectionism
Perfectionism is the desire to do everything perfectly. People who have it are very afraid to make a mistake. Otherwise they have to face recognition of their imperfection, which is experienced too painfully.
At the same time, there is also a rational part of perfectionists that tells you that it’s impossible to do everything in a perfect way. There is an internal conflict. The only solution is to refuse any action, because it is better to do “nothing” than do something “bad”.
Fear of public speech is a way to avoid mistakes.
7. Increased anxiety
Increased anxiety is a trait that manifests itself in constant restless thoughts, and the feeling that something terrible is about to happen. And then the fear of public speech is just one of the symptoms of a global problem.
Can one person have a whole “package” of reasons? Yes, of course.
If you are the “happy” owner of the fear of public speech, then we suggest you to do the following things.
- Analyse each point of this article and choose ones, which can be clearly found in your case. You have to tell yourself: “Yeah, man, this is about me.”
- Try to think: What is the key function of the fear of public speech? What is the purpose? Does it protect you from anything? Write down the answers.
- Be sure to come back and read the article tomorrow. We will talk about ways to deal with the fear of public speech.
