The only phrase that we hear more often than “Be yourself” is probably “Love yourself.” Both are often misunderstood or interpreted erroneously. It’s time to take a closer look.
Let’s start from the beginning.
Quite early in life, a child notices what qualities, traits, and behaviors are accepted by her caregivers and society in general, and which are rebuffed. The child tries to fit herself into the Procrustean bed of frameworks and expectations. After all, no one wants to be rejected.
Often these frameworks consist of stereotypes, beliefs, cultural/moral/religious norms and rules, spiced with family myths. If the pressure is too strong, the child, and then the adult, gradually abandons themselves, squeezing their personality into the proposed framework. As a result, they may find that they are living someone else’s life, not their own.
This is a sad story.
Being yourself means the ability to show other people what you are: your needs, desires, and dreams, and not what others want to see. It means to behave according to your life goals, plans, and desires.
If you try all the time to meet the expectations of others, you can completely forget about what you really are. As a result, people often come to a psychologist with the question “What am I?”, and “I don’t understand what I want.” And for the same reason, all kinds of pseudo-psychological tests, horoscopes, etc. are so popular.
So, how to learn to be YOURSELF?
First, you need to try to get to know yourself better. The following questions may be helpful here:
– What do I value in life?
– What is important to me in other people? And in myself?
– What do I want to do and what do I not want to do?
– What do I really like?
– What are my values and needs?
Self-therapy can be an essential tool for personal growth and self-improvement.
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You are not sure where to begin?
At this stage, it is important to make sure that you are honest with yourself, because there is an inevitable temptation to answer the way you “should”, and not the way you really are.
Do not be afraid to discover that in some ways you are “not like everyone else”. Firstly, all people are different. And secondly, this is an opportunity to learn to accept yourself as you are, with all your pluses and minuses. It is impossible to be yourself if you do not fully accept yourself.
Once you do this, you will move to the next important level: accepting other people. The thing is that while you are at odds with yourself, others also do not have the right (in your eyes) to express themselves as they are.
And then, you will find a way to abandon the patterns and stereotypes imposed by others, learn to choose what suits you, rather than what society approves of, and discover new strategies of behavior. As a result, you will build a completely different, truly YOUR life.
Being yourself is not an easy task. But it is definitely worth the effort because there are no other people like you.
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