Note for people with anxious-preoccupied attachment

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Rule #1:

You have no control over your partner’s actions, wishing to be with you, being faithful, overall conduct, and choices. He/she is what he/she is. He/she will do what he/she likes. 

HOWEVER, YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN CONDITION, ACTIONS, AND DECISIONS.

Rule #2:

You do not need to please your partner every step of the way. It is not going to make him or her love you more. It does not give you any guarantees. It only depletes your resources. 

LOVE – DOES NOT MEAN SERVE.

Rule #3:

You have the right to voice your complaints, your wants, and your needs. If you are doing it right – you do not push your partner away with such actions. Quite the opposite actually, you are bringing you two closer together. 

YOU ARE A FULL-FLEDGED PART OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE SEEN, HEARD, AND TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT.

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Rule #4:

Your past traumatic experience, negative encounters, and overblown anxiety are all on you. 

Your partner cannot fix you up, readjust you anew, and turn you into a happy, well-balanced person. 

LEARN TO BE PSYCHOLOGICALLY INDEPENDENT.

Rule #5:

Stay equal. Anxious-preoccupied attachment is very self-depreciating. Do not let that happen. Do not act subservient with your partner.

YOU ARE ALL RIGHT.


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