One of the most popular questions that people address psychologists with (after “why isn’t he calling me?”, of course) is “how do I love myself?”
You know, there’s one curious trend here. Most people believe that they need to experience this unfathomable feeling first which will later change their behavior. They think that this feeling will make them care more about their own needs, will stop them from hurting themselves, will help them prioritise their own desires.
This is a major misconception. Everything works the other way around. To love is a verb. Love is DOING.
We have developed an algorithm of actions that you can follow to reach this long-awaited sensation and condition.
1. Stop scolding, start to support.
Rule number one, stop scolding and reproaching yourself, calling yourself names in order to motivate yourself.
Substitute them with supporting and understanding phrases.
Example: You clumsy, you spoiled everything again.
Substitute: It’s okay, sometimes things don’t work out. Do it all over again.
Example 2: You are such a fool for getting yourself into trouble again.
Substitute: It’s sad it came to this. It’s unpleasant. How can I help myself?
2. Watch your body
Today, start tracking how your body feels in different situations. Are you comfortable, or have you been too long in one position? Are you sleeping well? Do you have a comfortable pillow? Are your shoes the right size and shape? Is your shirt loose enough? Do you have sex because you want it or do you force yourself and your body to do it?
Set several reminders and alarms to check your body to achieve a better effect.
If you notice something uncomfortable, unpleasant or annoying, change it.
3. Indulge yourself
Make yourself tiny gifts. You know, the little surprises we are always happy to get from other people.
Get used to presenting yourself with something small every week. Take yourself somewhere. Organise something for yourself. Show yourself something (films, performances, a pretty sunset). It can be anything: a rose, a tiny piece of soap, a spa night at home, a book you’ve been wanting to read for a while. It should be something you get for yourself.
4. Hugs
As well as self-massage and self-caressing.
Hug yourself at least once a day. You can tell yourself nice words of support and compliments at the same time. You can talk to yourself as to your closest person.
Caress, massage, gently scratch yourself. Being in physical contact with your own body is important, it helps to love yourself and has a positive effect on developing mindfulness.
You can simply take a bit more time and pay more attention when putting cream on your skin every day.
5. Primary Needs
Do you know what the most important task of a mother who has a newborn baby is? Making sure the baby is dry, warm, and fed. You need to ensure the same things for yourself. If you are very hungry, cold, or if something is hurting, the whole world should wait until you have your basic comfort.
6. 15 minutes
Loving someone also means supporting their development and investing into their future.
Start spending 15 minutes a day to improve the area you find interesting. It doesn’t matter what it is, but you have to like it.
7. Health
When someone you care about is sick, you force them to go to a doctor. However, when it comes to you, the system changes and you believe that it will pass on its own.
Taking care of your health is one of the most powerful ways of experiencing self-love. Plan regular check-ups, even if it’s just having blood tests. You will feel proud, powerful, and energetic after them.
8. Be curious
When we love someone, we are curious about them. We ask what they want, how they are, what worries them.
Make a habit of asking yourself the same things several times a day. Say, you pick up your phone to message your husband and ask how he is doing. First, ask yourself, “how am I?”
You can set reminders at first to help yourself acquire the habit.
We guarantee that if you follow these steps for at least a month, you will notice great changes.
