Internal self-support is the load-bearing walls of our inner home. If they are not there or are weak, the house cannot stand. Internal self-support is the ability to rely on yourself and your resources, values, will, emotional stability, well-defined boundaries, faith, and caring for yourself.
When people can rely on themselves, they can make life decisions based on their values and desires – what they want in life, who they want to be with, what their goals are, etc.
External walls (external support) are also important – these are the people on whom you can rely, a stable job, financial resources, and much more. But if there is no internal support, the external walls will not hold the structure. Ideally, external and internal walls should reinforce each other.
When people see themselves as trustworthy, they can always rely on themselves. No matter what happens in life, no matter what difficulties they encounter, this support will give them the strength and resources to cope with them.
Here are the questions that will help you evaluate the state of your inner self-support right now:
Do you know what you want to see in your life?
Do you allow yourself to choose your own path?
Do you know how to build your life without substituting your desires with someone else’s?
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You are not sure where to begin?
Do you value your own and other people’s boundaries?
Can you accept your choices and give yourself the right to make mistakes?
If you depend on someone else’s opinion and do not hear your desires, it means that you do not have internal self-support. In this case, it is too easy to replace your own coordinate system with someone else’s and end up living a life that is not yours.
The best way to build internal self-support is by getting to know yourself. This is like taking an inventory: what you have and do not have, what state it is all in.
It is important to note your strengths and weaknesses (just do not use general words – describe them precisely), your values (what is important to you, what are your priorities?), and be in touch with your emotions and feelings (do you understand them, how do you deal with them?).
This knowledge is needed not for self-criticism, but to understand what you can already rely on, and what still needs to be developed.
The internal self-support, as is evident from its name, cannot be derived from the outside – it must be gradually formed inside. You need to move in small steps and be sure to celebrate your achievements.
Did you make a decision yourself? It is one small step!
Did you make a choice? Another step.
Did you use words of encouragement toward yourself instead of criticizing and calling names? Two steps!
Gradually, the load-bearing walls of your inner home will become stronger and stronger. And this has enormous value!
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