I really like someone, but there is no physical attraction

It may happen, right? And then what should you do? Wait or, well, look for another person? Let’s figure it out.

To begin with, we do not need to have sex with all people we like. How does this thought resonate with you?

Imagine that you have met an interesting person: you like to communicate with them. You feel on the same wavelength. They are well versed in the art and their jokes are super funny. Great! But there is no attraction. You don’t want them sexually.

And really, why should you?

Because you have found a cool person and why waste the goods? This wonderful person may well become a friend, a buddy, a good acquaintance, finally. Where does the idea of ​​the compulsory mutual attraction come from?

Another side of the story may be related to misunderstood features of libido. So, you have met an attractive guy but you feel that your libido is somehow … asleep. Where is it? Why don’t you want to snuggle up to him, rip off your clothes (or from him), and set the night on fire? Because libido is a thing that does not appear instantly, like a genie from a bottle. It is not recognized quickly – it needs to be formed. But how to do it? Gradually: get to know this person intellectually, spend some time with them just being next to each other… If you like them platonically, then there is a possibility that sexuality will also connect.

Naomi met Ali on the Internet. They began to communicate more and more, but the relationship did not go beyond friendship. Naomi was sure that this is as far as they would go – she did not see him as a potential partner, only as a friend. One day they met. Then again. And again. At the last meeting, they sat in a cafe, took a walk, and when at the end of the evening he helped her out of the car and touched her – she realized that it… excited her. But she was not planning on it.

You can’t disregard physical aspects, although some people try. Certain physiological features are not necessarily about sex, but about how the person eats, drinks, and moves. If you do not like it, if it seems unpleasant to you, your libido has a very small chance.

Here is another story.

Zoe has been dating Kishan for about one month. She likes that he is goal-oriented, assertive, and active – these are useful qualities. She like his job and his apartment in the center of the city. And the fact that he knows three languages. But he himself … she does not like. What a pity! After all, everything, everything is going so well! Other than that… But Zoe is waiting for something to change because she really wants it to change.

It is easy to see that we are not talking here only about libido. Rather, about self-deception and an attempt to pass off wishful thinking for reality.

Narine and Simon have been married for eight years. The last year turned out to be not easy for the couple: Simon had an affair, but he ended it. And then they tried for a long time to restore their relationship. It seemed like everything began to work out. But their libidos waved goodbye and now Narine and Simon do not want each other. At the consultation with a psychologist, it turned out that between the spouses there is a heavy load of accumulated resentments. And it is this load that prevents them from wanting each other sexually…

All stories are very different. Analyze yours – and you will understand whether it’s worth waiting for the attraction to appear, whether you need to do something, or it’s time to let go of this story and move on.