Irini asks a question in a Facebook group: “My son is 32 years old. We live separately. I only ask him to call me when he returns home in the evening. I do not understand why it makes him angry. What am I doing wrong? I’m just worried, and I can’t sleep without his call. Is it so difficult to call? What’s the big deal?”
Oh, those caring parents of adult children … A person may be over 20 (30, 40) – and their mother still says what to wear, where to go, whom to meet, how to cook, how to build their life.
“Call me as soon as you get there! And when you’re in the car. And before leaving!”
“Put on your hat! And what are you – going out without a scarf? In this weather?”
“It’s time for you to get married and have a baby! I’m worried about you – you will end up single with your job! “
“You need to eat chicken soup every day – remember when you had gastritis when you were in the 10th grade? I found your receipt from McDonald’s. Are you eating this junk food?”
Our parents love us, it’s true. But boundaries for love and care are necessary. Otherwise, you may feel suffocated and constrained.
What phrases can you use in response to overprotectiveness?
• “I know that you are trying to take care of me, but this form of caring does not suit me.”
The phrase is very clear, inoffensive, and sets the necessary boundaries.
• “I am already an adult, and I will decide for myself”
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This is a reminder to the parents to return to the “adult-adult” format, not “adult-helpless child”.
• “I’m sorry that you have different expectations, but for me, it is better like this”
This phrase expresses an understanding of a different point of view but identifies your priorities unambiguously.
• “Mom, it was your choice, and I am making mine.” “For me, please only do what I ask you to do.”
Use this phrase when your parents say that they did this and that for you, and now you must do as they say.
• Mom (Dad), I understand your concern, but I ask you to respect my decision and my choice.
• I value your participation in my life, but I ask you not to do something for me without my consent.
These phrases do not push away your loved one, but at the same time, they indicate that only you can make decisions about your life.
• Mom, this is my life, not yours.
This phrase brings everyone back to reality.
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