Meet Kylie and Spencer. They are codependent.
Spencer is often rude to Kylie. If he is in a bad mood or something is not to his liking he could easily yell at her, berate her, call her names. He could even threaten to leave her. Naturally, he apologizes later. Tells Kylie he loves her and tells her that it would never happen again.
Nevertheless, it happens repeatedly.
It is only logical to ask why Kylie is down with it. Why wouldn’t she leave him?
Now we get to the interesting part. Our story gets another important element – Kylie’s brain.
Let us examine its workings at certain stages of a closed circle.
Stage one
Whenever Spencer gets mad and starts acting contentious with Kylie, or pretentiously gives her a silent treatment – Kylie’s brain perceives that as a threat sending a signal to her adrenal glands. Her adrenal glands in turn – start producing cortisol, which is a stress hormone.
Kylie gets all anxious and panicky.
Stage two
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Whenever Spencer gets apologetic, expresses remorse and regret, asks forgiveness from Kylie, swears his eternal love for her, promises to change, and acts all loving and caring – her brain, her hypothalamus to be exact, starts producing oxytocin, which is a love hormone. It is associated with trust, sexual arousal, and relationship building.
Kylie gets cheerful, sunny, and in love again!
Therefore, Kylie becomes intertwined into a simple, but quite unhealthy, and even harmful scheme: the harder the abuse, the more euphoric the bliss afterwards.
As a result, Kylie becomes very dependent on Spencer with his behavior patterns. She craves for his attention and approval.
The scene repeats itself over and over again. Kylie grows numb to Spencer’s hostile or forceful behavior. She is now callous to his scornful words. She does not care if he yells. She does not get bothered if he starts his moody silence acts.
It is once again – her brain at work.
It reacts to stress with its pituitary gland producing endogenous opioids. They are peptides that serve as hormones that among other things provide the type of pain relief that leads to negative reinforcement and evokes pleasant feelings in humans, thus reducing emotional response magnitude.
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