We hear a lot about the balance of “give and take”. At the same time, its formula is not as obvious as it may seem at the first glance. There are many questions:
– How do I determine the state of my balance?
– Should I be giving more or receiving more?
– How can I make it more equitable?
Let’s try to figure this out.
All relationships function according to certain rules. It doesn’t matter what relationships we are talking about: romantic, friendly, or business. Imagine that you come to a store and pay money for a set of goods – but you do not receive them. You paid the money – but there is nothing in your hands. Does it mean that the balance is broken? Of course.
Or assume that in a business relationship, you do your part of the transaction – and your business counterpart disappears. Is this acceptable? Obviously, not.
The same applies to friendly and romantic relationships. If one person invests in the relationship their love, caring, and attention while the other one only accepts it and doesn’t give anything back – there is a reason to “check the balance” of this relationship.
Jennifer is dating Phil. Phil rarely responds to her texts and almost never proposes to meet. Jennifer does that. She also regularly buys him presents – a beautiful scarf, a backpack… She bakes his favorite cookies. Jennifer feels tired and sad. No wonder: she is the only one investing in this relationship. There is no balance.
Keith is not able to build a friendship with Simon. Simon only shows up when he needs something from Keith: to ask for money, to borrow his guitar, or (as it happened recently) when he needs to crash somewhere for a couple of days. The rest of the time, Simon is unreachable.
If a person gives a lot but receives little in return – they feel empty. This is nature’s law. The energy should come back – it needs to circulate. Only in this case, there is a mutual exchange. It is like a fast-flowing river – the water does not stand still. But in a swamp or a small lake – if you do not clean it, it may get covered with reeds…
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In the opposite case, if a person receives a lot but does not give back, they stop valuing what they have. And there is little joy in it.
Look at yourself – how do you act in relationships? Are you a giver or do you take more than you share?
It is important to note that the mutual exchange does not always happen in the same “currency”. You may share something other than what you receive.
For example, one person in a relationship shows caring by giving gifts, and the other one by cooking breakfast or dinner. In this case, there is a balance.
The give-and-take balance works not only in relationships but also in other areas. If at work you feel burned out and completely exhausted, you probably have some imbalance. You may be investing efforts and resources that do not pay off – maybe because of insufficient salary, or maybe because of a tyrant boss or toxic colleagues.
How to work on your balance:
1. Try to understand your needs – what is needed, what is missing?
2. Analyze in which area there is an imbalance and what it looks like: too many investments that do not pay off, or vice versa? Why?
3. Try to talk honestly with your partner if you feel that the balance is missing – not in the form of accusations but using “I-messages” (“It seems to me”, “I feel”, “I would like to”).
If you discover a problem, it is worth analyzing it from all sides and trying to restore the balance – to level the scales, so to speak. If you feel an improvement in your mood and a sense of inner harmony – it is a clear sign that you are on the right track and your resources are being replenished.
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