Personal experience of a girl who’s been unlucky in love…
Hi! My name is Emma, and I’m about to tell you how I met my love.
For quite a long time I considered myself unlucky.
It seemed that fate wasn’t kind to me and sent just anyone my way.
But then I decided that I was old and independent enough not to rely on God’s mercy, and I could take responsibility for MY OWN happiness in MY OWN hands.
To begin with, I took a break and thought it over: “What exactly am I looking for in a partner? What do I want to get out of a relationship? Why do I need it?”
Okay, I wasn’t thinking alone, but with my therapist, I won’t hide that.
We talked a lot about how I want to feel in a relationship, what is important to me in a person, what values and principles.
We investigated how I choose men (and we got some interesting revelations).
We also discussed the changes that will happen in my life if I get in a really significant relationship, and here, too, all sorts of amusing things popped up.
I used dating apps.
But I decided not to turn this into a fixation, I set a time limit for myself to devote to love search, and took breaks regularly.
I openly told my friends that I was looking for a relationship.
After all, you never know where and how you meet the one, but it’s in our hands to increase the probability.
I attended events that I found exciting, and visited places that relate to my inner world.
As my conscious request for a relationship was taking shape and internal clutter was clearing up, I noticed that I was changing and the response of others to me was changing.
I met different people, talked, and observed how I felt interacting with each of them. I agreed to myself “not to overdo it” with communication, so as not to burn out.
I approached dating with curiosity.
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Each person is unique, and if you consider meeting them an opportunity to learn something new, it becomes much easier.
I tried to ask them questions to understand how much we are “going in the same direction”, whether our values and outlooks on life coincide. I listened attentively and weighed up.
An important criterion for me was how much the person’s actions matched their words. So, I paid attention to the person’s behavior, to the stories they told about their life.
After each date, I registered my thoughts and feelings.
How did I feel interacting with this person?
Was I tense, constrained, nervous, uncomfortable?
Or was it easy, free, relaxed, and safe?
Am I interested in this person regardless of whether I’m looking for a relationship or not?
In general, I was having a great time during my “search”.
And, one day, at one of the friends parties, I met the man that I am now in a relationship with.
We have common values, common priorities, and I feel warm and calm around him.
And that’s exactly what I wanted.
As they rightly say: seek and you shall find 🙂
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