What is boredom?

All of us have experienced boredom. It can be a short-term phenomenon, or it can involve so much that it becomes difficult to find the boundaries between simple boredom and apathy – it takes up so much space. Where does it come from? Why and what for? Let’s figure it out because boredom can be different.

• Simple boredom

It arises as a short-term response to the fact that you have stopped receiving bright and exciting experiences from the outside world, and now you feel uncomfortable emptiness inside. We are often quite dependent on external events and do not always know how to entertain ourselves, therefore we assign responsibility for our mood to the environment. In this case, no special action is required, except that it would be nice to move the focus from the outside to the inside and stop waiting for someone or something to entertain you.

• Boredom as a way to avoid something

In this case, boredom serves as a buffer against fear and anxiety. “It’s better to be bored than to be afraid,” a person decides subconsciously.

Mariah wants to become a successful blogger. She imagines everything that she could do, what videos to make, what to tell her followers, and … does nothing. Mariah is afraid that things will not work out, and this fear breeds endless procrastination – one of the faces of boredom. In her everyday life, Mariah is bored, but she cannot force herself to do anything.

• Boredom as a feeling of lack of meaning

Researcher A. Elpidorou put it this way: “Boredom motivates the pursuit of new goals when current goals are no longer satisfying, attractive or meaningful for you.” In other words, the appearance of boredom hints that you may not be doing what you want to do in your life.

Nitin has a job at the bank that he does not like. He took out a mortgage and was forced to stop painting because it could not provide him with a stable income. Now, every day for him is like a Groundhog Day: one is the same as another. And when Nitin imagines that he will need to live like this for the next 18 years (the term of his mortgage loan) – he wants to die. Out of boredom and hopelessness.

• Boredom as being tired of monotony

Monotonous activities, especially if they conflict with character traits, can also cause boredom.

Anne has been working as a cashier in a supermarket for 2 months. By nature, she is lively, active, and sociable. She needs a lot of movement to feel energized. And now she feels that from the monotonous punching of bar codes at the register, she is unbearably, beyond words, bored… And this state does not go away even at the end of the workday. But her friend Helena does not feel this – she says that working at the cash register, she even manages to write poetry, which she writes down in her notebook during the break.

• Boredom as a response to blocking your desires. I want something, but don’t know what.

Boredom can be the result of unfulfilled and supressed desires. If you do not pay attention to your needs (no matter what they are), then boredom is the lesser of evils that can visit you.

Amanda is 14 years old. She really wanted to learn how to dance, but her mother told her that it makes no sense since she is too clumsy. She wanted to play tennis – her parents told her that this is a sport for the rich, and they have no money for this. She started writing fanfiction, but classmates ridiculed her hobby, and she quit. Now Amanda wants nothing. She goes to a music school because her mother thinks that this is what suits her best and generally “helps her grow”. But the feelings of boredom and lack of interest in anything are her constant companions. Mom complains to her friends that Amanda is not interested in anything, that she is bored all day, and “doesn’t know what to do with herself”. “We were different…” – sighs Mom in disappointment.

• Boredom as a defense against emotional distress and pain

If a person faced a traumatic experience in childhood and did not feel psychologically safe, they experienced many difficult emotions that were hard to cope with.

To avoid experiencing pain and fear, they had to separate “bad” feelings from themselves. And this is how boredom may appear – because of a lack of connection with emotions: anxiety, fear, anger, joy, or sadness. The person sees the emotional world as unsafe and therefore does not allow themselves to feel. When they grow up, they find that they have lost that source of energy that makes it possible to feel truly alive. After all, without emotions, we become a machine, a computer.

As a child, Michael was severely punished by his parents for any offense. When talking with his psychologist, he said that he was not at all angry with them, because he really was an “unbearable” child. And in general, what do his parents have to do with this? He came because he is not interested in anything in life, it is boring… What is the connection here? And the connection was… Michael developed a mechanism of protection from emotions that he did not allow himself to feel – indifference. He turned off all strong feelings – excitement, interest, joy, anger… And he experienced nothing. Now, in the process of therapy, he must reconnect with his huge emotional world – to “turn on” his feelings…

• Boredom as a lack of new experiences

If in your life there is only a home-work-home circle, then boredom is inevitable. We need new experiences to feel alive and interested.

– What to do with boredom?

• Determine its source. What is your boredom? Get to know it better. What is it hiding?

• Become more attentive to yourself and observe:

– how does boredom manifest itself?

– how long has it been with you?

– at what moments/periods does it disappear?

• If you cannot find the root cause of the problem, it is better to turn to a specialist. This is a good request for working with a psychologist.

And one more thing: not a single feeling arises in us just out of the blue. They all speak to us in their “sensual” language. If you understand it, you can make your life much more harmonious.