People think differently and interpret the same facts in different ways. This is influenced by many factors: life experience, social circle, upbringing, value system, and much more.
Usually, we choose to communicate with people with whom our views on fundamental life issues coincide: our values and beliefs are similar. However, there are situations when we do not have a choice.
Maybe it happened that you and your family members look very differently at what is happening in the world. What now? Not to talk to your parents?
Or let’s take colleagues at work. We also do not choose them but still need to interact. How to communicate if you strongly disagree on fundamentally important things?
1. Do not discuss “hot” topics.
This is the first and main recommendation. Clearly, neither side will be able to convince the other. Contrary to a widely held belief, the truth is not born in a dispute. Rather a conflict is born, which can make further contact impossible. Therefore, it is better to agree not to discuss topics that cause obvious disagreements and aggression.
2. Protect your boundaries when someone is violating them by trying to pull you into a useless dispute.
This can be done with the help of phrases: “I don’t want to discuss this topic”, “I think differently”, “Let’s talk about something else”, “Everyone has their own point of view”, “I think it’s better we stop now”, “I don’t discuss politics/religion/news.”
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3. Focus not on what separates you but on what unites you with your interlocutor.
Remind yourself that just because your father sees something differently, he doesn’t stop being your father and you still love him. And your friend has a different life experience and a different situation, hence different views. But you have other things in common – otherwise you would not be friends.
4. Remind yourself that other people don’t have to be like you.
It doesn’t make them stupid or bad. This makes them different from you. If this otherness does not violate you (does not impose something on you, does not force you to accept another point of view) – you can communicate, avoiding the unsafe topics and leaving these people the right to be themselves.
5. If you got carried away, stop and exhale.
Ask yourself these questions: “What do I feel now?”, “What am I doing now?”. These questions invoke mindfulness and help you turn off your emotional autopilot. Just inhale, exhale, and count to 10 – it also helps.
6. Refrain from personal attacks
If you cannot do it – it is better to stop the dialog before you say something that you will regret later.
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