Admit that sometimes you feel like your friends must know a special secret where to find a decent partner. One friend met their perfect match on the subway during peak hour. Another couple used to work together. Yet another friend went on a single Tinder date just to try it out, and now you are invited to their wedding. You are also not opposed to dating apps, but you keep swiping right and not liking anyone. In reality, there are good reasons why this is happening. So let’s dive into it.
1. You don’t have time or energy for a relationship
When the world around you and your private life are shaken from all the blows and changes that have been happening recently (Covid-19 with its lockdowns, moving to another country, death of a loved one, etc.), you are overwhelmed with so many problems and tasks that you can’t even think about getting into a relationship. But these critical periods don’t normally last very long, so if you’ve been feeling like this for years, it means that you consciously choose to stay single.
2. You don’t want to repeat your old mistakes, but you haven’t found a new way
When a person starts working on their personality, they get rid of the old motives that kept them in a relationship. They get rid of their old fears, family tapes, typical scenarios and behavior patterns, but they still don’t have anything to replace them.
3. You avoid relationships
You are so scared of intimacy, pain and retraumatization that your mind is protecting you by actually playing against you — that is why you feel like there are no decent candidates around you.
4. You are overcompensating
You believe that you are really special and incredible — in fact, better than anyone else, so your attitude ‘I don’t fancy anyone’ protects you from disappointment. If you start interacting with the opposite sex, you may come to realize your own imperfections.
5. You see serving as a purpose
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You don’t like anyone because there are no trigger-people around you: that is, there is no one to save or to serve to. When you solve other people’s problems, you feel your own importance and a sense of purpose.
6. You are hindered by a past meaningful relationship or a crush that you won’t admit
It’s simple: mentally you are already in a relationship, so why would you look for another one? That’s why you choose not to.
Do you recognize yourself in any of the above situations? Which one describes you?
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