There is the notion of pattern in psychology. A pattern means a scenario. Most often, this notion is used to describe behavior or thinking.
Behavior patterns are fixed scenarios that we use in our everyday lives, and often unconsciously.
Some of them are damaging to relationships. For example…
Generalizations
“You always…!”
“You never…!”
“You all are the same!”
“I’ve heard that a million times before and I know how it ends!”
First of all, generalizations provoke an aggressive response, and, secondly, they leave no room for change.
Catastrophizing
“Oh God, this is the end!”
“Well, it’s clear that nothing good will come out of this”
“You want to break up with me, right?”
“We can’t handle this”
“You’ve ruined everything!”
To catastrophize means to make a mountain, or rather an erupting volcano, out of a molehill. This approach drains you and consumes your own resources and the resources of your relationship.
Omnipotence
“It’s all because of me”
“I should’ve seen this coming”
“I attracted this”
“If I hadn’t…, then everything would be fine”
“I have to try harder, and everything will be fine”
Omnipotence implies that you believe you have influence over everything that happens in the relationship with your partner.
Suspicion
“Something tells me that…”
“I feel uneasy, that means things are bad”
“I have a bad feeling”
“It’s a sign, it’s definitely a sign”
Suspicion is a typical companion to anxious people and relationships.
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Black-and-white thinking
“If a man loves, he must…”
“A true woman must…”
“A relationship is when…”
“If you do this, it means you don’t appreciate me”
“When they love you, they…”
Black-and-white thinking is related to a rigid framework. Hard-line ideas about what is good and what is right undermine intimacy and leave no chance for happiness.
Mind reading
“I can see it all in your eyes”
“It’s written all over your face”
“I get it, you don’t have to say anything”.
Your relationship can’t develop if it’s based on speculation and projections rather than on facts and open communication.
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