When things suck, but you keep thinking that maybe it will all fix itself…

We all know that if you have a toothache you need to go to the dentist. When a faucet is leaking, we call a plumber. When we plan a trip, we turn to a travel agent. And we see nothing strange in hiring a cleaning company if we don’t have the energy or time to clean the house ourselves. But to seek psychological help when such a need arises is still difficult for us.

This is partly because it is not easy to figure out what problems you can or should cope with on your own, and for which you need the help of a specialist. It’s like in medicine: if we get a runny nose, each of us, in principle, knows what to do, even though we do not have any medical education. But in the case of appendicitis, we need to urgently call an ambulance or go to the hospital, because only a surgeon can solve this problem. Delay in this case is tantamount to suicide. And hopes that “things will somehow fix themselves” are just as dangerous.

In the case of psychological help, it is about the same. There are life difficulties that can be completely resolved without external help, and there are those for which the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist is a must. Here, usually, there is no mortal danger. But some problems reduce the quality of life so much that it becomes not enjoyable. You need to know that you can get rid of them!

We feel especially bad when a timely consultation with a specialist could help to resolve an issue that a person considered unsolvable and suffered for years, getting used to the idea that there was nothing to be done about it… ☹

Ally got raped by a former classmate when she was 17. She did not seek medical or psychological help, thinking that she can deal with everything on her own.  Now, she is 33 and has never had relationships with men because she is terribly afraid of them. Trust issues, fear of physical contact, anxiety, flashbacks – Ally has been living with these problems for the last 16 years. 16 years! This year, she visited a psychologist and started working on her old PTSD. Already a couple of months later, she noticed positive changes. And recently, Ally cried at the session because she realized that she has lost so many years. These improvements could have happened much sooner…

So, you MUST consult a specialist if you feel that:

○ You are not able to cope with the situation, whatever that means.

○ Psychosomatic illnesses have intensified: you feel bad, your health is “crumbling”, and doctors cannot find a reason.

○ A situation has occurred in your life that goes beyond the ordinary human experience: violence, trauma, experiencing a disaster, etc.

○ You live with chronic feelings of guilt, shame, intense anxiety, jealousy, or other difficult feelings.

○ There are suicidal thoughts, depression, apathy – you can’t manage your emotional state.

○ You have addictions: alcohol, drugs, gambling, workaholism, sex, etc.

○ You acquired risky behaviors that were not typical for you: extreme driving, unprotected sex, self-harm, participation in adventurous projects, potentially traumatic sports and entertainment. These extreme behaviors are suicidal attempts.

○ Eating disorders, including anorexia, bulimia, and abrupt changes in eating habits.

○ You walk in circles in your life story: relations develop according to a similar negative scenario, you are surrounded only by “idiots”, everyone deceives and betrays you, they do not respect you at work, and when you quit and get a new job, nothing changes, etc.

○ There are problems with personal boundaries: you do not know how to say “no”, you are often used, you feel like you owe everything to everyone, etc.

We cannot list everything. The main theme is: something happens to you that has gone out of control, that is incomprehensible, and that makes you unhappy.

Why can’t you fix it yourself? Because our internal barriers in the form of psychological defenses will not allow us to understand the reasons for what is happening, and therefore, to fix it without external help.

When you do not need to contact a psychologist:

– if you feel that everything is bad, but you understand the reasons for what is happening and know what to do about it;

– you have a powerful social support network (family, friends);

– even though something bad has happened, you feel that there is a positive dynamic in your emotional state.

– there are problems in your relationship, but you and your partner hear each other and are trying to find a solution;

– you believe that you can cope with difficulties and make attempts to improve your life situation.

And finally, friends – do not be afraid to ask for help. This is quite normal, there is nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is not to try to help yourself to improve your life.